A while back, when Crystal Fairy And The Magical Cactus And 2012 (to use its full onscreen title) was actually in theaters, a friend of mine asked me for my thoughts on it. At the time I had only seen the trailer, so I could only give them my reactions to that, and I never got around to actually seeing the entire movie. However, when I noticed last night that it was streaming on Netflix I decided to go ahead and give it a try.
Yeah, I really shouldn’t have bothered.
Let’s put it like this: there’s a scene in the first couple of minutes where Michael Cera‘s “character” Jamie unsuccessfully tries to flush a small bit of poo while at a party. Apparently, this scene is meant to be somewhat symbolic, as Cera then proceeds to prove himself to be a complete piece of s#!t to everyone around him throughout the rest of the movie.
Seriously, about 30 minutes in, I really had had enough and thought about just turning it off, but no, I decided to stick with it to the bitter end and see if maybe there was something redeeming, anything at all that I could hang some kind of positive review or comment on.
Okay, here’s a positive: at least Jamie didn’t literally barf onscreen as it looked for awhile he might. He just did it figuratively every time he opened his mouth.
I suppose there are some things I could write about that would make this film seem more than it is, as though there were some attempt at depth, some character development, some something here, but really there’s nothing that makes it worth putting up with Jamie’s whining, bitching, moaning, rudeness, and proving of himself as an utterly contemptible self obsessed ass-hat.
I will give kudos to the film’s titular star Gaby Hoffman who does her best to redeem this picture by literally putting everything she’s got on the screen, and for not feeling the need to conform to normal Hollywood standards of beauty in doing so, but even she, in what would usually be called the “manic pixie dream girl” role (actually her character is more the antithesis of the meme in a lot of ways) can’t overcome or really cause any kind of change in Cera’s Jamie.
Whew. After watching that I really think I need some kind of palate cleanser. Or maybe just a good bottle of toilet cleanser.
Here’s the trailer:
- Miracle Turds And Other Important Things To Know About Michael Cera’s “Crystal Fairy” (buzzfeed.com)
- There’s absolutely no way this Michael Cera texting thing is real right? (futurebarstooltexas.wordpress.com)
- Operation Michael Cera: Michael is my Life Coach (menmyselfandgod.com)
- Michael Cera’s Must-See List (buzzfeed.com)